Menu

Login

Recommended

With Security And Prosperity For All
By daMule (10 comments)
Carolyn Bennett: Confessions of a Heckler
By Archer (59 comments)
Voted the Wrong Way? Go To Hell!
By Poeschek (27 comments)
Hey Chertoff! You've already trashed your constitution. Keep your hands off of ours!
By Thor Heyerdahl (18 comments)
Lib-Green election pact
By MGK (34 comments)

More Recommended Diaries

Recent Diaries

Canada is a Fake country?
By Pale (3 comments)
Raspberries Romanoff
By paul2port (13 comments)
So, ever flown in a 'Herc' ?
By willy be frantic (18 comments)
Canada Dry Ginger Ale
By paul2port (11 comments)
Conrad Black is History
By paul2port (12 comments)
Meta Confessor, Please Intercede
By prole (16 comments)
Strawberry Daiquiri
By paul2port (25 comments)
It's Official: Stockwell Day is an Idiot
By Whytwolf (10 comments)
It's kinda like hockey, w/o the pads
By daMule (12 comments)
Harvey Wallbanger
By paul2port (21 comments)
What About Bob?
By daMule (19 comments)
Dr. Pepper
By paul2port (11 comments)
Lemonade
By paul2port (12 comments)
New Stephen Harper Attack Ad!
By TheLastRealist (1 comments)
The Authoritarians: Chapter 5 with Bonus!
By prole (4 comments)
So, ya wanna buy a kidney ?
By willy be frantic (16 comments)
Caveat Emptor/Lipstick on a Pig
By prole (12 comments)
May Two-Four
By paul2port (31 comments)
Just a thought....
By daMule (4 comments)
The Authoritarians: Chapter 4
By prole (21 comments)
Happy Mothers Day. For all the forgotten mothers
By Pale (4 comments)
911 Recipe
By paul2port (29 comments)
Conservatives Increase Pesticide Levels
By grassrootsbloggerdtcom (8 comments)
Return to Hypocrite
By grassrootsbloggerdtcom (16 comments)
The Authoritarians: Chapter 3
By prole (29 comments)

Google




Meta Confessor, Please Intercede Email Print

Section: Diaries
By prole
06/24/2007 02:04:03 AM EST
Tags: ,

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.  It has been 28 year since my last confession.  I need you to ask MetaJesus to forgive me! I've been really bad!

"Child, there is nothing so awful that Meta Jesus cannot forgive.  Confess your sins."

Well, first of all I'm drunk.  That's a sin, right?  Then how come Jesus turned the water into wine? And his blood?

"Well, I suppose it would depend on if you deliberately got drunk because you were trying to mask something painful, or debauchery..."

No, no, I just drank too much wine by accident, eh?  I put up shelf paper for the first time today and really stressed me out.  It was awful - I don't suppose you've ever...

"Cough! Excuse me...Meta Jesus is waiting."

Oh, sorry. Right. Anyhoo, I need you to ask Meta Jesus to forgive me because I did something bad, you see I accused somebody of something without any proof.

"I see. That is a venial Meta Sin, you know.  It's quite possible that you could spend time in Blogatory for this if you don't repent and say penance.  Can you tell me what happened?"

It's like this.  There was a disagreement.  I thought this guy that I know called in some backup on his opinion.  I mean, it really did appear at that time like that's what was going on. It was an honest mistake...hic! I'll never do it again, Father!  I promise..I don't know what I was thinking, I swear...you gotta ask Meta Jesus to forgive me...

"Calm down. Take a breath.  So you publicly accused this person of recruiting a consenting opinion with the sole purpose of validating his viewpoint - is that what you're trying to say?"

Um, hic! Pretty much.  

"You do realize that you've put your eternal intersoul at risk by this sin, yes?"

Yes...I do.  

"You humble yourself before Meta Jesus and the whole 200 or so people who have the correct address to that blog at the moment and beg forgiveness?"

Yes...please!  

"Your penance will be 12 straight days of creating Power Point presentations, along with the filing or eradiction of 3500 emails. Ah yes, Meta Jesus knows all about your inbox, child, there are no secrets from Him!  The conversion of 12 - 40+ page pdf documents to Word, edit, reformat, and change back to pdf again. And additionally, 5 letters to the editor and a letter each to your elected representatives.  That ought to give you plenty of time to ponder forgiveness and the error of your ways.  Go in peace."

Am I forgiven now?

"We'll see."

Meta Confessor, Please Intercede | 16 comments (16 topical, 0 hidden)
Collection plate (4.80 / 5)

Canadian Republicans Suck

by prole on 06/24/2007 02:10:19 AM EST

My sins are worse (4.00 / 4)
I'm praying for forgiveness.

Now you've really got me scared because I thought they got rid of Blogatory.

Dealing with all that email sounds like hell.

by paul2port on 06/24/2007 10:08:23 AM EST

[ Parent ]
Oh no.. (3.66 / 3)
You think they can get rid of a whole plane of existence with the swipe of a pen?  Not even the Meta Pope is that powerful.  

Canadian Republicans Suck

by prole on 06/24/2007 10:56:19 AM EST

[ Parent ]
A 5 for cracking me up..... (4.00 / 4)
:)

I think Shelf paper is already purgatory though. A lesser penance for time served? lol

I support the separation of Church and Hate....

by Pale on 06/24/2007 10:27:50 AM EST

[ Parent ]
Shelf paper ... (4.00 / 5)
... is not, in and of itself, purgatory.  You cut it to size , lay it in there, done !

Purgatory is the stick down stuff.  Same front end - cut to size, lay it down ( to check fit ) - then ... take it out, find a spot where you can separate the backing from the paper, peel back some, set a corner, hope you have it lined up correctly, hope the stuck down corner stays while you peel the back off a further portion,  lay down the newly exposed portion ( watch for bubbles and wrinkles ), hope you are not stretching the paper so it won't fit the far end ( paper doesn't stretch, willy - yah right ),  peel off the final bit of backing, realize it is not running straight, pick up the whole paper, stick it to itself in various places, attempt to .... ah heck, you have done your penance - have a glass of whatever.

Here's a golden oldie - Conserve Water / Shower with a friend

by willy be frantic on 06/24/2007 01:03:14 PM EST

[ Parent ]
That is exactly (4.00 / 5)
what was going on.  And why I had to make my confession while drunk.  Serves me right for trying to save a few bucks.  With MetaGod as my witness, I will never purchase shelf paper at the dollar store again!  Rookie mistake.   At least the paint looks good.  As it turns out I'm quite clever with painter's tape.  Just not sticky, tacky, evil shelf paper.  They make it look so easy on teh Tee Vee!  

Canadian Republicans Suck

by prole on 06/24/2007 01:11:44 PM EST

[ Parent ]
pdf to Word and back again? (3.80 / 5)
MetaJesus is harsh.  ;)

by jlynne on 06/24/2007 03:04:30 PM EST

[ Parent ]
So it's not just me? (3.75 / 4)
Gawd I loathe that pdf conversion crap, but I thought maybe it was just me doing something wrong!  I'm not the most technologically proficient gal in town.  

Canadian Republicans Suck

by prole on 06/24/2007 03:15:32 PM EST

[ Parent ]
from an ex-Jew (4.00 / 6)
As one who grew up in a religion that makes an annual, intense, 10-day ritual every year of repentance and resolutions, I recall being taught that there were two kinds of sins: sins against God and sins against man. Sins against God, God could forgive once we repented, but for sins against man, God would only grant forgiveness after the victim of the sin forgave. So to repent of that latter, we had to apologize twice, once to God and once to a person.

I no longer believe that stuff about the dude they called God, nor do I follow any of the ritual. So the sin against God has disappeared from my ethical worldview. But the offence (I no longer use the word "sin" except to refer to my 9-digit personal code) against other people, I still believe in, and the part about getting forgiveness from said other people still resonates with me.

So, direct your apology to daMule. Since MetaJesus was also Jewish (metaJewish?) I'm sure that's what he'd say.

The good news is, chances are daMule doesn't have that many .pdfs he needs converted to Word.

by MGK on 06/25/2007 10:47:31 AM EST

Ah..well, (4.00 / 6)
I got both sides of the coin, being raised in a 1/2 Jewish, 1/2 Catholic household so you can see why I am consistently wracked with guilt.  Mortal, venial, against man, against God - I really can't win.  Plus as a woman I am responsible for sin entering the world, simply by the very accident of my birth.  

Canadian Republicans Suck

by prole on 06/25/2007 11:13:45 AM EST

[ Parent ]
half and half (4.00 / 4)
all guilt, all the time.

Hey at least you're not conflicted about whether the guilt comes by  birth or having it pounded into you. The answer is both.

If I'd known it was you who was responsible for all that sin...

by paul2port on 06/25/2007 04:37:30 PM EST

[ Parent ]
There's still a lot of wisdom in the old books (4.00 / 3)
And I agree that you don't have to believe to benefit.

In addition I've changed my mind on ritual. Now I see how it can be quite comforting and for some of us, part of our subconscious identity.

by paul2port on 06/25/2007 04:45:19 PM EST

[ Parent ]
Frankly (4.00 / 3)
In addition I've changed my mind on ritual. Now I see how it can be quite comforting and for some of us, part of our subconscious identity.

It's what I miss the most.  I went to church here, so you can just imagine.  

Canadian Republicans Suck

by prole on 06/25/2007 07:35:48 PM EST

[ Parent ]
Um, is it okay to do that? (3.66 / 3)
Link to an image that way?  Not sure of the proper netiquette.  

Canadian Republicans Suck

by prole on 06/25/2007 07:37:15 PM EST

[ Parent ]
I too... (4.00 / 3)
...am leery of the copyright quagmire of linked images.  Kos had a diary that blew my theory out of the water.  My theory was that any image found through Google Image search would just have to be attributed and the copyright issue would be solved.  I doesn't appear so.

I got nuthin'.

Here's a golden oldie - Conserve Water / Shower with a friend

by willy be frantic on 06/25/2007 11:02:29 PM EST

[ Parent ]
as you did (3.80 / 5)
After I wrote that I went and read the latest posts to the thread in question, and saw that you basically did that.

by MGK on 06/25/2007 10:56:31 AM EST

[ Parent ]
Meta Confessor, Please Intercede | 16 comments (16 topical, 0 hidden)